There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
