just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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