I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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