I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
