last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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