Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
