I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He called his prostate his "boner button".
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
