Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
