so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
