Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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