oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
