I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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