the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
