wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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