Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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