I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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