dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
