In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
