tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
