I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
