not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
