I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
