So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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