They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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