So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
