You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
