just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
