Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
