She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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