a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
