I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
