the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
