he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
