we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
They have beer where we have blood.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
