i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
