Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
