MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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