My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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