I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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