ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
