If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
