Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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