Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My life is pants optional.
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