he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
