"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Come see our sink grown plant.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
