Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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