If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
