I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
