I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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