Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
