Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
