I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She bit a glass in half.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
