I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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