Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
