after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
