I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
