I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
