I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
